I get a big fat "F" in following this verse (whatever is true, lovely, good, holy...think on these things) - instead of dwelling on truth (God is in control of ALL things and will bring my daughter home at His perfect time) I think on all the worst possible outcomes.
Finding this lady Kiya will take forever - is she even alive? Getting her to the Embassy is practically impossible! What if they finally speak to her after weeks and then decide to send all our stuff to Nairobi for investigation? What if all our paperwork ends up expiring during this wait and we have to redo stuff for a third time? Is the orphanage doing all they can to help our case?
What if our house sells? Oh yeah, it's for sale and we are hoping to get to Florida this year. What if we have to be out before we even get to Ethiopia?
A million things run through my mind, but I have to preach to myself and remind my brain over and over - either God is in control or He's not. Of course I believe He is, so instead of just saying it I have to start acting like it!
I want to be able to tell my daughter one day that waiting for her was so difficult, but I trusted Him to provide for her and had His peace in the midst of it. After all, who loves her more - me or Jesus? Of course her heavenly Father can care for her better than I ever could - are His ways not soooo much higher than mine?
Sarah, I'm totally with you. I keep joking that I'm bipolar because one minute I'm at perfect peace and the next minute I'm thinking about all the other scenarios that could play out. I think it's easy in our weariness to open the door and allow the enemy to steal our peace. I have to be very intentional about keeping that door shut, locked and bolted. It's not easy but Gods plan is perfect and in the grand scheme of things, we are definitely on the home stretch. Praying things begin to move soon!
ReplyDeleteThere is something refreshing about reading your words and relating to them perfectly. Even though sometimes it is hard to breathe while I wait - knowing we're all in this together and that God is in this thing is a breath of fresh air.
ReplyDeleteI can completely relate as well. It's amazing how in the midst of difficulty I can begin to think I have an excuse for pouting or sinking into despair. Thank you for the reminder to live in obedience at all times!
ReplyDelete