For three years my mind has been consumed with adoption. It started out simply - I want a baby NOW. Then it was deciding where to adopt from, which agency to use, boy or girl...how will we pay for this, which homestudy to use, and so on. Busy busy with paperwork, waiting & I guess I thought once this baby was FINALLY home, it would be peace and harmony. Life would be a nice little fairytale with a boy and girl, a family of four & we'd be so happy.
Well, I'll be blunt - it's been rough. Joe and I are completely exhausted and worn out. Having an 18 month old doesn't help, but bringing Iris home has been more of a challenge than I ever thought about. I don't mean to complain, this is the girl that God has chosen to be in our lives, but it hasn't been that perfect little click that I thought we'd experience once we held her. She cries and fusses a lot. She has no idea what I am saying. She falls down and sobs for no apparent reason. Her stinky diapers are the most vial thing I have ever come across. It's a challenge to pay equal attention to her and Blake. We have lots of debt from the trip which is stressful. We have a move to Florida this summer that we are completely unsure of how to make happen. There is a ton more paperework to figure out with post adoption, social security card, medical coverage.... She has already gotten Blake sick since being home. I don't feel like her mommy yet.
I told myself these weeks would be difficult, but I don't think I truly understood how they would feel. Joe is here helping me a long with my mom and I still don't know how I am going to do this once it's just me and them alone. (How do you moms out there with more than one child do this?!)
Anyway, all that to say - I need a lot of prayer, a lot of patience, and a lot more love for this tender sweet girl who is forever my daughter.
Oh, Sarah, I will be praying for you all. I know things must be incredibly difficult right now with the tremendous exhaustion you're experiencing, but I also know that God is going to give you the grace you need to love and serve Iris in the ways that she needs most.
ReplyDeleteYou can't do this in your own strength, but you can do this through Christ who gives you strength. I'll be asking the Lord to give you rest for your body and rest for your heart. It will get better!
Awww Sarah! I'm totally with you. Ellie has exhibited many of the same things. It DOES get better, but those first 2 - 4 weeks are HARD with 2 toddlers. Trust in the plan God has for your family and continually offer grace, love and mercy to your new little one. I'll email you a few other things that might help.
ReplyDeleteThanks ladies, I know you understand!
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