Heartbeat

This morning the weekly doctor appointment had me hooked up to the monitor to hear Sawyer's heartbeat for a solid 10-15 minutes. Blake and Iris were in the room with me and I thought about the first time I was at a doctor office to hear the heartbeat and there was none. That moment has stuck with me and was crushing. Who could have looked down the road to see all this?

It felt like forever when I was pregnant with Blake, each day a scary unknown and then he was born and all was well.

Then just 14 months later we were on a plane meeting Iris for the first time and now she's been with us 15 months.

I never want to forget that this life inside me is a total miracle & although it seems to be going well now, this life does not belong to me - only the Lord. May I be faithful!

I've been doing LOTS of cleaning lately & it feels so good. Knowing when Sawyer is born I will have no free time it seems like the perfect time to get crap jobs done that have been staring me in the eye for a while.  The rainy weather helps me stay motivated too...what motivates you to clean???

A powerful reminder

Reading this morning an old sermon from John MacArthur on parenting & there is a quote from a father to his children that stopped me in my tracks. It was quite lengthy but I had to share bits and pieces because it was SO GOOD.
" My dear children, never did I pass a more truly solemn or interesting moment than that in which my firstborn child was put in my arms and when I felt that I was a father.... Recognizing in the little helpless being which had been so lately introduced to our world, there was a creature born for eternity and who when the sun shall be extinguished would be still soaring in heaven or sinking in hell. I returned to my closet for private devotion and solemnly dedicated the child to the God who had given me the precious life. And I earnestly prayed that whatever might be his lot in this world, he might be a partaker of true holiness and numbered with the saints in everlasting glory.

Almost every parent has some one object which he desires above all on behalf of his children. Our supreme ambition for you is this, that whatever situation you occupy, you may adorn it with the beauty of holiness and discharge its duties under the influence of Christian principles. Much as we desire your respectability in life, we would rather see you in the most obscure, even menial situation, provided you were partakers of true holiness then behold you on the loftiest pinnacle of the temple of fame, the object of universal admiration, if at the same time your hearts were destitute of the fear of God.

How could we endure to see our children choosing any other way than those of wisdom and any other path than that of life? How could we bear the sight to behold you traveling along the broad road that leads to destruction and running with a multitude to do evil? How would it embitter our last moments and plant our dying pillow with thorns to leave you on earth in an unconverted state, following us to the grave but not to heaven. Or should you be called to die before us, how could we stand at the dreadful post of observation without one ray of hope to cheer our wretched spirits?"

John closes his message with this prayer "And Lord, may we know it's not just what we say it's who we are, that our character and the integrity of our lives in the godliness and virtue we demonstrate to those children either undergirds or supplants the gospel we preach to them. O may we lovingly, tenderly, kindly, patiently with great forgiveness and understanding lead our children to Christ."

Lyla

If you've been following on Facebook you will know that Lyla is back at All Children's hospital. We are still waiting on answers, they did an MRI yesterday and saw "enhancements" along her spine...what looked like white spots but where unsure of what it was. This morning they did an MRI on brain and again saw these white spots as well but the doctors are all baffled and don't know what it could be. Apparently they were there before too.
It is so hard to not have any answers. They are doing a spinal tap next, but she has been on a fast since midnight last night & on hardly any sleep so it's a trying time. Please pray we'd get answers soon, that the spinal tap would be scheduled very soon so she can eat and drink soon & that Rachel and Jason would have grace to deal with whatever we learn.
My parents are watching the boys & it's just overwhelming on everyone to be waiting on pins and needles. The doctors now believe that the cysts removed from her spine was not the cause of her issue before - we are all just in the dark and not really sure how to pray and what to think next.

Do More

Watched a great video last night called Dispatches from the Front on South Asia. It was about a husband and wife with two small children that gave up every comfort, friends, and family in the US to go and start a coffee business where 90% of the population is Muslim and 10% are Hindu....in order to serve the Lord and share the Gospel.

It really was a wonderful reminder to not be a materialistic spoiled American. Towards the end what the mom shared put me to shame. She said she and her husband wanted to do more than just make money to give stuff to their kids, to live on & then die. She wanted to show her family how to live out the Gospel. Wow. It is so easy to get focused on acquiring things or living a comfortable life. It really makes me view my day to day attitude much differently. Watching her carry her child, singing Hosanna in the Highest as her little one went to sleep - seeing how difficult and lonely life could be...that is so much more than just talking. That is a life showing that He is everything.

For more info go to www.frontlinemissions.info  or www.dispatchesfromthefront.org as there are a few in the series.  We watched Episode 6: The Power of His Rising. I look forward to more.

Welcome to the world!

John Caleb was born Thursday night, weighing in at 7 lbs and 9 ounces. This makes #5 for my brother Ben & sister in law Danielle. They are finally getting to go home today! We are all so excited for this new bundle of joy...especially Sawyer. When I held baby John I had more movement than ever going on inside. I think the cousins will be close :)  He is so tiny & precious and it made me all the more eager for our arrival of Sawyer. It is a gift from God to enjoy the arrival of children instead of being sad and jealous & I'm thankful for this life, thankful for my heart change & for the wonderful family this little boy will grow up in.

Mama

I'm not one of those people who go on & on about how wonderful a person is online when I could just tell it to their face - but I simply must state that I have the most incredible mother! Her love & kindness to me and everyone I know is astounding. She is the most thoughtful person in the world and generous beyond compare. Her unconditional love as a wife, mother & grandmother is amazing to watch. I hope I can become half the person she is....spending hours with my grandpa at the nursing home every week, caring for grandchildren A LOT, always thinking of others, leading other women in bible study and discipleship, working harder than anyone I know & having godly wisdom to always help - I'm blessed.

                                    

                                        Each day she becomes more wonderful. I love you mom.

Busy & fun weekend...dinner with my brother's family on Friday and an evening with my sister's kids on Saturday...a day of church mixed in with some shopping today.
Blake's potty training is going great! Finally bit the bullet and brought him in public without the safety diaper and he let me know when he had to go...then today at church an entire 3 hours and no accidents. Am I the only mom who has potty trained a kid who still sleeps with a pacifier? That's my next battle that I'm STILL putting off.
Fun moment...lady at mall "are they twins?"  me..."no, but they are close, feels like twins"....lady "how old are they?"   me "they are 4 months apart, she is from Ethiopia"   lady "but are they brother and sister?"   me "yes they are"   lady "they REALLY look a lot alike. They look like twins. But they can't be, right, because she's not from America"   me  "where's your bathroom?" and walk away leaving her still a bit confused. Another lovely adoption moment.
Watching them hold hands & say I love you to each other = melt my heart.

With mother's day approaching I'm still completely aware of how difficult this day can be for a lot of women. I've only been able to celebrate this 2 times but as someone who has seen both sides of the spectrum - moms truly deserve a special day after all they do for their children, but we all need to be sensitive to those would love nothing more than to be a mom and on days like this it often feels like rubbing salt in a wound. I remember never wanting to go to church on mother's day & I don't want to forget that. Ever.

Blake gets stitches out this week, Sawyer is 25 weeks & Joe is enjoying his last days as a 40 year old. My cute nephew Drew told him he looked like he was 60. I said that's as old as poppet (my dad)...does Joe look as old as poppet? He replied well, yeah. I love it.

Latest Favorite Quotes (Courtesy of Pinterest, of course)

These are a few of my favorites - check out my pinterest boards for more fun :)  Yes, that is my kind of fun.

Our family day (gotcha day)

Does it really get any cuter than this?

Blake was trying so hard to get on the ground and I kept pulling him up to try and get one decent family pic. Oh well.

I'm sure eating Ethopian was on my grandma's bucket list. Lol...she has not stopped telling me how much it meant to her though, so very sweet.

Iris picked out what she wore for the big occasion - I tried so hard to get her in an Ethiopian look but this girl is all out girly with her sparkles & glitter. She wouldn't have any of it. My parents and grandparents joined us, it was a really nice time. You can see how Iris hardly tolerates being around my mom, they can hardly be in the same room. Ha! If only I could get that kind of a grin from her :)

Lots of this going on with potty training this week...but we are learning as we go!

Had a great dinner @ Queen of Sheba, an Ethiopian restaurant in Tampa on saturday. What a fun experience to feel like we are sharing a little bit of Ethiopia with Iris and my parents and grandma. The food was better than I remembered and I loved seeing Ethiopian people there at the restaurant. It's worth the drive!

Joe's job is going well, thanks for everyone who has prayed and cared so much these last several months. It's been a busy first week for him but seems to be going well and a good fit.

This is week 23 of my pregnancy and I always look forward to my monthly check up week to hear the heartbeat, but it's always scary too, that secure feeling doesn't happen till AFTER birth. (Then all the other insecurities begin...)

Had a sweet visit with my sister last night. I don't take that for granted, ever, after all the years of wanting to just sit in each other's living room and talk for hours. It's so nice to live here.

We are in week 2 of becoming members at Lakeside, how strange it feels to have been away for 13 years and now coming back & yet it's such a part of me. Lots of fun stuff happening the next few weeks. Can you believe my Joe will be 41 next month???

The Prodigal Song

You held out Your arms, I walked away
Insolent, I spurned Your face
Squandering the gifts You gave to me
Holding close forbidden things
Destitute, a rebel still, a fool in all my pride
The world I once enjoyed is death to me
No joy, no hope, no life


Where now are the friends that I had bought
Gone with every penny lost
What hope could there be for such as I
Sold out to a world of lies
Oh, to see Your face again, it seems so distant now
Could it be that You would take me back
A servant in Your house


You held out Your arms, I see them still
You never left, You never will
Running to embrace me, now I know
Your cords of love will always hold
Mercy’s robe, a ring of grace
Such favor undeserved
You sing over me and celebrate
The rebel now Your child.

I love this song. Really beautiful.

Smiles

Changes, they are a coming...

I feel like the kids are growing by the second. Iris is really ready to be potty trained. Blake is not showing signs (has before we moved though) but this momma needs a diaper reprieve before #3 so ready or not, let's do this. Any tips or thoughts on the process is appreciated! I'm going to do some studying on it soon and in the next month take this on.
Next, Iris is ready to move from the crib to a toddler bed. She never before has shown signs of wanting to climb down on her own, but this morning I found her placing her feet on the ground after climbing down the side. We can't have that & so it's time for both of them to be done with crib mode.

We've been putting off the paci war for WAY too long & even though he only has it to sleep, it's time  put it to rest, well past time, in my mind so I'll be snipping that puppy soon & hope for the best but expecting the worst. Thankfully Iris never had one! (She used to sleep with bottle but we stopped that months ago).

It's nice to know they are moving along and growing but it's strange to not think of them as babies anymore, especially Blake. I'll get my baby fix soon ... it's around the corner!

S is for Sawyer! As of now I'm loving the name Sawyer Benjamin for baby cotton. I've been known to change my mind from time to time, but I'm pretty sure this one is sticking. Atleast for now. :)

Never been happier to say Joe starts work on Monday! Not having the freedom to run in my car during the week will force me get cleaner closets, organize life a bit better & do more diy projects so it's not a total loss.

My grandpa was moved to a new nursing home today so please keep him in your prayers as this will be a difficult adjustment for him and my grandma. He is still with it enough to know he'd rather be home, but not quite understanding why he can't be. It is taking a toll on everyone & hard to watch at times.

Life is always changing! Focusing on Proverbs this week & loving my first week's study in Habbakuk for bible study.

Strawberry Fields Forever ( & House Pics)

Despite my wicked cold this week, we ventured out with friends & fam to the strawberry capital of the world - Plant City, Florida. We took the kids and it was the perfect day to pick some amazing strawberries. I will forever now be aware of how much I'm being ripped off at the grocery store as we were able to fill up 5 freezer bags of strawberries all for a mere 6$. And they looked perfect. It could become an addiction if it wasn't 45 min away - the more you picked, the more you had to pick. Lots of fun.

Next up I wanted to share a few pieces around my house that have been provided for free from wonderful people who are above and beyond generous and kind.

My lovely view - free table from our neighbor put out by the street. Bench from my mother....The light was not free but for 6.99 at Goodwill it might as well have been. Boo ya.

I am obsessed with this desk. Kathy S. in my church gave it to me & besides adding my own hardware (which was not new) it is perfection. The garden stool is my hobby - I could seriously go on the hunt all around the county for them & buy one in every color. I love those things. I know if it makes it through years of small children it was meant to be. Lamp base was a steal from salvation army & I had a giftcard to penney's where I picked up that cute little frame that's from the new Jonathon Adler line. I waited 10 min in line for that baby so I feel kind of attatched to it.

This book case was free from the lovely Jan K. at my church. It is the perfect comparison to the Expedite Ikea bookcase & used to be cherry wood until it stepped foot in my white loving home (only things , not people!). I have big dreams of what to do with this, but for now it works the way it is. And contrary to popular opinion, I LOVE my reindeer & keep him out all year long. I'm thinking about naming him Finn or Knox since that's not going to work for a baby name.

This desk was also a gift from Jan and as much as I want to paint it some amazing color it's kind of perfect to me the way it is right now. The chair needs some love, but in time...in time...Can't wait for Joe's ugly alarm clock to die, but it just keeps on going...

Where I rest my feet at the end of a long day. I'm over my ikea lack tables& wanting their coffee table version, but alas, I wait. The dresser really needs to be in our room / changing station for baby so I'm on the hunt for a credenza if anyone hears of something. I'd love something much longer and narrow that I can paint :) That brass tray is a favorite 1$ find at salvation army.

The tea cart is also a generous donation that was given from Kathy & it has moved from a kitchen island to a nightstand back to a different place. I love it, but don't know what to do with it. Now that I see this pic I realize how high my little sunburst mirror is flying there - must change! Yes I'm brave to have cake plates with two year olds who play but I like living on the edge like that. And I ran out of paint so that wall is crying out to not be naked anymore. (hint hint Joe)

This room needs the most love, but I wanted to show how pretty my view was compared to looking at a dead tree and my condo's neighboring front door. We just got the cheapo ikea dresser as nightstands and I'm so excited to transform them from looking like 10 bucks to atleast 30 bucks :)  On the agenda? New lamps, different pillow, paint, ceiling fixture...too many to count.

Hope that gives you a little glimpse into our home that has been so welcoming to us....so thankful for the generosity of so many. We were given two kitchen appliances as well that makes cooking functional, but with now dish washer it was in no state to be captured. One more week of having Joe around and then it's the start of our new reality here in Florida.
A special birthday shout out this month to Danielle my sister in law, Jack, my nephew and on the same day my lovely grandma, Luke my nephew & then celebrating our family day with Iris. It's been a year since we had Ethopian food so I think I'm finally ready for it again.

 

This week I feel a burden has been lifted since we found out Monday Joe got a job. He will be working at Tech Data & is excited about this position. I never doubted. It was a relief and I feel like we can finally get settled.

Lyla is home from the hospital & I see a glimpse into the craziness of my sister's life. Having 4 young children is so much work & I don't know how she does it. Did I mention 3 out of 4 have food allergies, one being extreme?  No one is throwing a pizza in the oven or nuggets for a quick meal. Did I mention two of them go to different schools? Amazing.

I'm trying to drink up my freedom till Joe begins work and we become a 1 vehicle family with that 1 vehicle gone 5 days a week. This should be interesting. Hopefully we can save some money to get a van by August when baby cotton joins us. My sweet ride just won't handle 3 car seats (poor Joe will get stuck with my 99 Corolla which only has a tape deck. That's right.)

 

Speaking of, I'm having quite the time thinking of a name for this boy. Cotton is not easiest to work with because so many names I love end in "n" sound (Hudson, Rowan, Gavin, Roman, Greyson... to name a few) and even fewer sound good together. Still I strive on. I like unique names I don't hear every day and am very picky about what name strikes an image in my mind. Call me crazy.

Right now my favorite is Shepherd and has been since we named Blake Joseph. I'm still bitter we didn't give him the name Shepherd but I work on it a little each day :)  However, I hate the sound of "Shep" which would inevitably end up being a nickname. Been loving Sawyer, Knox, or Finn but Joe is not keen on these at all. Help please!!!! Don't know where to turn next.

 

I continue to work on the house - it's still not up to par to post many pics. It's changed lots & I have a vision of what I want to do, but not the funds to back that vision up. Like the pin says" I have good taste, just not the $ to prove it."

April is a busy birthday month for us - then just a couple months and any free time I know and love will disappear around the 20th of August. Bring it.

Lyla (& some other details)

The last few days have been rough on the family. It's late so I'll make this short. Lyla began to show signs of muscle weakness, a limpness where she couldn't pull herself up, her neck hung...lots of scary stuff when you a see a one year old so limited physically. They took her to All Children's Hospital on Tuesday and did a CT scan showing nothing wrong with the brain (thank you Lord) and then a MRI showed a cyst on the spine. They decided to wait till the next morning to do the surgery & this morning they found 3 cysts along the spine. She might have been born with these cysts and they just continued to grow.
We are thankful the doctors were able to figure this out and it was nothing more serious. It's a large scar down her back and we know recovery will take a while. She's spending the nights in the ICU with Rachel and Jason not leaving her side.
My mom is caring for all 3 boys as my dad is teaching out of town (our old stompin grounds, of course)...Please pray for strength for EVERYONE as this is going to be a long road ahead. The boys are obviously missing their mom and dad and feeling out of sorts. Rachel and Jason have missed nights of sleep and will continue to do so...My mom is pulled in many directions between trying to make the boys feel secure, caring for her parents & not having my dad home right now.

On a bright note, we had a delightful sonogram on Tuesday morning where we found out it's a boy. I have to be honest, I'm only slightly sad because I was so set on my girl's name and now I feel like I'll never have my daughter Harper. It's too good of a name to let pass by, but I really feel like #3 is kind of it for us...
Now the name game for a boy continues. I love a crazy good name, something unique but not bizarre and it has to sound good with cotton. Please weigh in...I need some insight!

Latest & Greatest

Blake is feeling better! Yeah for medicine. He is one happy boy who is VERY close to getting another haircut after being called a girl last night (by another small child, but still...)

Iris is cute and happy as always. Her hugs & kisses rock our socks. Time to start looking for an Ethiopian restaurant to celebrate family day next month  for when we brought her home a year ago!

Joe has a second interview this week with a different company & should hear back about a potential job this week he's gone on two interviews for. Hope on the horizon.

Getting to attend Lakeside's mission conference for the first time in 15 years and loving it. Loving watching the kids love it too.

Getting to see the baby this week at our 18 week ultrasound & finding out if we are having a girl or boy (I am predicting a girl but will probably be wrong).


We truly feel so blessed to be here. God has been so good to us & provided our every need. It is GOOD to need Him. Is it so good to see our kids blossoming and developing friendships with cousins and other kids & socially being around people besides just me & Joe. It is so good to hear my mom teach at Lakeside's women bible study. Hosea is quite a book. It is so good to be fed spiritually - I don't take a minute for granted after all these years.

It was a tougher day. Blake's been battling an ear infection for over a week and my attempts to clear it had been helping so I thought...then you see blood pouring out of your kid's ear & it's panic time. Thankfully it's nothing serious,(went to the doctor and it's only an ear infection) but feeling like a lousy parent, still waiting on various interviews for Joe & sometimes these days feel long. It is so nice to have family nearby & friends who care.

P.S. A week from today we find out what #3 will be!!!!

Birthday & Beach Pics

Woohoo! 2!!!



Favorite new shoes!

Before the party ...



Just the way I like it, lots of family :)



Yes that is a half eaten rice krispie treat. Iris wouldn't have it any other way!



The one person who Iris LOVES having close by...her mommett.

Rachel, Cole, Grandma & Drew

Our first family beach day



Her first time in the sand. Love.



Do you miss your coat & hat yet Blake?  Your welcome.